Mothers

What is a Mother?

moth´er Pronunciation: mŭth´ẽr

Language and thinking are connected. The word mother typically conjuers up images of warmth and protection. The media regularly depicts mother and child as a bond so unique and powerful no other can ever replace it. It's an expression of honor and respect. It's a timeless term that describes the most typical fantasy of young girls. Ah motherhood. My six-year-old is already talking about it. She has big plans for when she reaches the state of motherhood and she can already describe them in juicy detail. My 14-year-old on the other hand, has committed to a life without children!

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According to the Webster Online Dictionary;

mother:

noun. 1. A female parent; especially, one of the human race; a woman who has borne a child.
2. That which has produced or nurtured anything; source of birth or origin; generatrix.
3. An old woman or matron.
4. The female superior or head of a religious house, as an abbess, etc
5. Hysterical passion; hysteria.

adjective. 1. Received by birth or from ancestors; native, natural; as mother language; also the
acting part of having the place of a mother; producing others; originating.

verb. 1. to adopt as a son or daughter; to perform the duties of a mother

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The first thing I find interesting about this word are the parts of speech. To be a mother, the noun form, one must give birth to a child. The verb, to behave as a mother, is to be a person who has adopted a child, an adoptive mother. This makes the phrases "birth mother," "biological mother," "original mother," and "first mother" redundancies, and they should not be used to describe women who surrender their child(ren) to adoption. The term "adoptive mother" may seem like an insult to parents who raise a child they have adopted, but at least it is grammatically correct.

Adoption and Mothers
It may seem a small matter, but the reality is the granting of the title of Mother is about power. Common practice in adoption has always ascribed the title of mother to the adopting mother. Ask yourself why?

Adopting parents from the Baby Scoop Era felt entitled to be called "Mother" and "Father." Their assumed perspective and the one many adopting parents still tend to offer up is because they are the ones who made the financial, emotional, and life changes necessary to raise a child. They supported their adopted child. They wanted their adopted child. They wanted a family. The implication is the adopted person ought to feel lucky, or rescued. In some instances perhaps he or she was saved from a life of poverty and despair. But the true lottery winners are the adopting adults, who without the adopted baby would not be able to fulfill their dreams to be "Parents."

Not only has this typical line of thinking unintentionally ignored the adoptee's significant loss of the Mother, I am suggesting the only person with the right to reassign the title of Mother (and Father) is the adoptee. Any other assumption is to disempower the adopted.